Last year I blogged about meeting a distant cousin through Whova, a conference ap. I also mentioned it in the lecture I presented for the National Genealogical Society in May. Social media is a wonderful way to connect with your disconnected relatives. We are 7th cousins. Definitely not close but we have been able to connect through a share German great grandfather Kettering.
On May 22, Gerhard and his girlfriend, Rita, visited my home. It was a wonderful visit! In the morning we visited our local farmer’s market, toured my town, went for brunch, and then returned to my home where we spent hours doing genealogy together.
Gerhard looked over my online family tree and corrected the many German name misspellings I had, particularly regarding locations. I have terrible trouble with diacritical marks!
He brought me updated tree info with sources found in German archives that are not accessible online. I agreed to create a tree for his colleague who found an old genealogy that claimed that some of his family emigrated to Indiana in the 1800s. I confirmed that indeed, they did, after stopping first in Kentucky. I was able to find living descendants for the colleague to contact.
The best part of our genealogical afternoon, besides spending time with a new cousin, was his explanation of a mystery newspaper article that I have written about previously. I had a dickens of a time initially getting native speaker consensus on the word “birthshaus.” I used a German teacher who was born and raised in Germany, some of my family members, a Facebook posting, and a posting to a genealogical group I belong to and received the translation as tavern or coliseum. I have even tried AI and gotten the same results. Clearly, there was no coliseum in Cincinnati, Ohio in 1834. I did find a tavern so I selected that word to use in the lineage society application I was submitting.
Gerhard laughed when he saw the word. He explained a better word usage would have been “beer house.” I was confused so he explained German culture from that time period. After church on Sundays, the ladies would congregate together and spend the day chatting. Their husbands would retire to the house next door to the church that served beer. There, they would drink the day away until their wives came to get them to go home for dinner. Gerhard did not know that the culture had been brought with the immigrants to the U.S. Apparently, it had in Ohio, all because of the newspaper article I found and Gerhard’s knowledge of the customs of people from the home region.
In the United Kingdom, a public house where beer was sold and consumed was known as a beerhouse (Beerhouse act 1830 (11 Geo. 4 & 1 Will. 4 c. 64). That would have been the best term to use in the translation.
Having someone who was knowledgeable about the language, customs, and culture was what I needed to solve my genealogical mystery.
Before I begin with what I had planned to share today I want to give a shout-out to Nordia, a Customer Service Rep with Ancestry.com. Yesterday afternoon I discovered that, although I was signed on to Ancestry, I could not access complete information when I was researching. Some of the information was a blurry gray and when I clicked to view or save, I would get a pop-up telling me I needed to pay for membership. Umm, I took care of that back on February 4th when I renewed. Evidently, the individual I spoke with did not provide me with a seamless transfer as I had asked. My “gift” membership expired on the 23rd and he began the renewal on the 25th leaving me in limbo on the 24th.
I was in a panic as I had work for a client to do and Nordia saved the day. She canceled the original renewal and re-entered it with the date of the 24th. By the way, if you are using a gift membership, you should get an email with a code. I hadn’t received that.
Personally, I’m not recommending Ancestry gift memberships. In 2021, I renewed that way as there was a Black Friday discount available. So, it was a gift I bought for myself. Ancestry changed its policy in 2022 so there was no gift membership discount for current members. After I received a renewal notice I called to ask if I should continue my membership as a gift or as a regular customer. That gentleman told me it was simpler to keep it as a gift so I did. Apparently, it wasn’t but I do appreciate the quick support and professionalism of Nordia.
Now, for my regular blog. . .
I reviewed the relationship analysis for John as the father of Thomas Duer that I blogged about last week and it struck me that there were two names that I did not have in my family tree – John Piersol and Robert McClelland. Both individuals were named in documents for both John and Thomas Duer. Who were these folks?
I quickly looked at who John Piersol married and discovered it was Anne Morrison. I have a bunch of Morrisons as Jane Morrison married Thomas’s son John Duer. Jane was noted to have received money from the guardian of one of Thomas’s children while her father, John Morrison, served as an appraiser for John Duer’s will.
I knew the names of Jane’s siblings but Anne wasn’t one of them. Was she related? Morrison is a very common name but interestingly, the only male was Jane’s father, John, in any record, I found in Trumbull County, Ohio through 1830. In the 1850 US federal census, Anne reported that she was born in Pennsylvania.
I looked for online public trees on Ancestry, FamilySearch, MyHeritage, Geneanet, and FindMyPast but did not find one tree that had information about Anne. Now that was startling!
Time to investigate Anne’s husband. I quickly discovered a county history that told his story. Born in Fayette, Pennsylvania, he traveled with his mother and step-father to what is now Bellaire, Ohio but he returned to live in Pennsylvania with an uncle. Hmm, John Duer had sold land that is now in West Virginia and across the Ohio River in Bellaire, Ohio. Did the Duers meet John Piersol on the frontier?
Another county history stated Anne was the daughter of Joseph Morrison of Fayette, Pennsylvania. Again, no public online family trees for Joseph. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I didn’t find a public tree for someone I was searching for – I’m thinking it was back in the early 2000s.
John and Anne, as a tic mark, were in Trumbull County, Ohio by 1820 and remained there in the 1830 US federal census. John Piersoll signed as a witness to John Duer’s land purchase in 1826; the other witness was Thomas Duer. After Thomas’s death, Piersoll became the guardian of three of Thomas’s children.
Only identified family members, including in-laws, were involved in court guardianship records. It’s likely that the relationship between Piersol to the Duers was through his wife, Anne. I still have a long way to go but I just might have identified a brother of John Morrison. Love the FAN Club and using Mills’ Identity Triangulation method. Best of all, this took less than an hour to discover.
My long-time readers know my obsession with the Duer family. I’ve been good, though, and haven’t blogged about them in almost two years. Honestly, I have not researched their lines since the pandemic was full throttle.
Last month I watched a Legacy Family Tree presentation by Elizabeth Shown Mills who is, lucky for us, back from retirement. The lecture gave numerous ideas on how to problem-solve using “trivial details.” A comment she made resonated with me; there are going to be times that we will NEVER find a document that clearly establishes a relationship.
I’m one of those genealogists that believe that somewhere, somehow, that long-sought record will unveil itself and leave me with a happy ending. Too many Disney movies, I guess! The lecture made me come to my senses. It was time for me to resurrect, review, and re-analyze all of my Duer findings and move toward a conclusion.
Briefly, my 5th great grandfather, John Duer (1748-1831), died after my 4th great grandfather, Thomas Duer (1775-1829) so Thomas and his family were omitted from John’s will. Another daughter of John’s who had died early was also omitted, however, her only son was named in John’s will. None of Thomas’ children were named. Thomas had died intestate (of course). The family originated in New Jersey; only one document there ties John and Thomas together but doesn’t state a relationship. That document was both men witnessing a will for a neighbor.
John is found in a deed in what is now West Virginia. He made the purchase in 1792 but didn’t move until about 1797. By 1805 he was in Trumbull County, Ohio. As was Thomas. There is no deed for either John or Thomas in the early years in Ohio but they are on tax lists, next to each other. Property maps show them residing next to one another.
And that is all I have. Not!
Using what Mills discussed, I pulled out every document I had for both men and created a different timeline than I had previously done. This time I made 5 headings – Date, Event, Place, Source(s), and Name. I began with the earliest records I had for John. Some of the sources, I’ll admit, are stinky like this for birth – http://familytreemaker.genealogy.com/users/b/e/a/Scott-C-Beal/GENE4-0004.html (no source) – though I recorded each as together, clues are provided. In the Name column, I recorded who was named in the record. The few that showed John and Thomas together I highlighted in pale green. I then went through Thomas’s records and fit them into the same timeline in chronological order. This is where I realized there were many more connections between the two men – guardianship of Thomas’ children, land sales among the surviving family members, and religious affiliation. I highlighted those in pale orange. Yes, it is an ugly color scheme but it does stand out.
I then wrote 9 pages of relationship proof. It also includes DNA. My plan is to share this with colleagues over the next few weeks for their insight. Possibly, I’ll be publishing it, too. I may even approach a lineage society and complete an application.
My husband remarked, “So, you’re now done with the Duers.” I thought, “Is one ever done with a line?” You know the answer. No, in analyzing the John-Thomas information I noticed some very interesting (to me!) nuances. I decided to take on a major Duer surname study of the New York, Antigua, and possibly Connecticut lines in the hope of identifying their shared relative. Clearly, they all had a shared relationship both in the Caribbean and in the Colonies. It also involves John Duer’s maternal grandfather, Daniel Hollingshead, who I have written extensively about. During the pandemic, I was able to find how Daniel, a Presbyterian, was related to the Quaker line. I was unable to understand his relationships with the New York Duers who married into the Alexander family, as Daniel did, but those Alexander families don’t seem to connect, either. It is a convoluted mess! As you can see by the tree shown at the top of the page, every generation of every line has a John, Thomas, William, and Daniel. And, they intermarry. And, they don’t leave a lot of records. And researchers confuse them, particularly the Ohio and Pennsylvania John’s Revolutionary War Service. It’s going to be fun to sort this all out so look forward to more blogs about my Duer Dilemma!
I bet you think this blog is about unexpected parentage but it’s not! I had a wonderful surprise in late January that I just have to share.
I have tested with Ancestry.com, National Geographic, 23andMe, and MyHeritage.com. The reason is that the companies’ tests are not identical. I wanted the large database that Ancestry offers, the amount of Neanderthal and Denisovian identified by 23andMe, and to better explore my eastern European background at MyHeritage. I uploaded the results from Ancestry.com to GedMatch and FamilyTreeDNA, too. This gives me an even larger match potential.
Typically, I get emails from the companies telling me when I have a new match but it’s usually for a 4th or 5th cousin. I’m not quite sure why I didn’t receive an email from MyHeritage.com with a 1st cousin once removed or 2nd cousin match. I was working with a Client and showing her how to explore matches when I logged on to MyHeritage and discovered I had a new closely related match. WOW!
I have to admit I was anxious to get in there and start investigating. Minutes after I left the Client I was online looking at the small family tree associated with the match. None of the names were familiar. I was certain I was going to find an unexpected parent result. I messaged the submitter questioning our relationship. I provided my email address if they preferred to correspond that way.
The following day I received an email that surprised me. The online tree didn’t match any of my family’s known names because it wasn’t for the individual’s DNA sample. The person was overseeing the DNA for a “friend” and had linked it to a tree that had no genetic relationship to the friend.
The person who managed the DNA checked with the DNA owner and was given permission to share their connection with me. Surprisingly, they were not a 1st or 2nd cousin but a 4th cousin. We shared 5 segments, the largest being 74 cM. I hadn’t thought much about DNA from that particular line I haven’t researched adequately.
I wrote back thanking the manager and then received another email asking if I had family photos. I did not but responded I would love to see one of my great-grandparents.
A few hours later I received the photo above which not only shows one of my paternal great-grandmothers but also her parents, my 2 times great-grandparents! I had never seen them before.
I so greatly appreciate this distant cousin sharing the photo with me. Turns out, we live only 2 hours from each other. I will be updating those lines this weekend and sharing my findings with my newfound relative.
DNA matches can provide more than unexpected parentage – they also can unveil unexpected photos.
As I write, we’re experiencing our first snowfall of the season. Grab a cup of cocoa and enjoy reading blogs this weekend.
In late September my husband was contacted via Facebook by his first cousin who he had not seen in 50 years. We were not Facebook friends with this line so the message wasn’t expected. In August, after relocating, I wrote on Facebook explaining why we had suddenly pulled up roots in Florida and relocated to Indiana. Another cousin who is a Facebook friend told the cousin which is how my husband got the message. You know family, always playing telephone!
The cousin asked us to let her know when we had settled in our new home so we could come for a visit; the family lives about an hour and a half from us. We made that visit the first weekend in October which was timely, as the family was relocating to Florida for the winter the following week. We had lived in Florida for almost 50 years and never knew that they were coming down for 6 months each year for the past 13 years.
It certainly could be awkward to reconnect with someone you haven’t seen in years, even if there had been no falling out. In our case, we simply moved away from where the majority of the family lived and raised a family, working, and maintaining a home, life just got in the way of keeping up a long-distance relationship. When my husband’s parents were alive they would keep us updated on family events but since they passed we just lost the connections. By the time Facebook came to be, it had been over 10 years since we had any information on the extended lines.
Yes, Facebook and other social media are very good tools to keep in touch with relatives but I’m just not into it. I don’t enjoy learning vicariously about friends and family. I go on it maybe twice a year to catch up. I much prefer text, phone, and face-to-face contact, even if that means Zoom or another service. If you want to reconnect, a message on a social media site is a great way to do that, however. After the initial few messages going back and forth and the exchange of emails and/or phone numbers, someone needs to be brave and make the phone call.
The call doesn’t need to be long, in fact, it’s better if it’s not. After exchanging pleasantries, get down to basic updates, such as we are fine and love (fill in the blank). Being positive is a good way to begin. I’m not saying don’t share bad news. If you’ve just been given a terminal diagnosis and want to reconnect quickly, by all means, share that.
In my case, I asked what a good time for our visit would be and was told any time after 10 AM. I said 11:30 AM would work for us and so the meeting was set. We arrive a few minutes early. I knew that lunch would be prepared for us but I wanted to bring a little something. If you don’t know the family well enough bringing a gift could have been problematic. I decided on a box of chocolates made by a local company. Alcohol, flowers, a desert, or memorabilia that belonged to that line could all work.
Let the person you’re visiting take the lead in the initial hellos. Some families are huggers and others aren’t. Some may still need you to mask up. Whatever the host family requires makes you a good guest.
We started with a handshake and smile that evolved quickly into hugs. Then we got a tour of their beautiful home on a lake. My husband has spoken of this lake for our entire relationship but I’ve never been there. He spent his preschool summers there. It was where he first fell in love with a nameless older girl who was about age 6; he tried to catch a perch with his bare hands for her birthday present. He loved climbing up on a chair to play on an old pinball machine in the family-owned store. The beach house had an upstairs with mattresses strewn on the floor for the children and he loved hopping from one to the other. There was an older man who made funny faces when he thought; my husband imitates him to this day.
Like most visits as an adult, hubby was surprised the lake was as small as it was. It seemed like an ocean to him at age 3.
After the outside/inside house tour, we grabbed a plate and sat at the table for some eating and reminiscing. You can ask if anyone objects to the conversation being recorded or not. I did not record. I also did not take photos. You could also take notes. Since we are living nearby we agreed we’d meet in the spring when I returned to their area to research. Perhaps then I may record and photograph.
The family knows I’m a genealogist so it wasn’t surprising that the talk turned to ancestors early on. I had to laugh when a second cousin remarked that one of his cousins who were not present had done a fantastic amount of research. Yep, I agreed, I sent it to him.
I should have brought my laptop to have my tree readily available but I didn’t. I promised to send two of the second cousins’ info about the Civil War and various other lines we discussed. Keep your promise!
We also caught up on what everyone had done in the time since we last met. Photo albums were passed around.
We were in for a surprise as one of the second cousins was going to take us out on his pontoon for a ride around the lake. We learned that there had been three stores during my husband’s time there; his aunt owned the one he recalled. I asked how the family came to the lake and was informed that the first cousin’s uncle on an unrelated line to us had discovered a cottage there and decided it was a wonderful place in the 1950s to spend the summer, away from the heat and congestion of the Chicago area. Other families came to visit and as property became available, more families made purchases. I learned my father-in-law encouraged his sister, a widower with two young children, to purchase a cottage and then one of the stores. Both sides agreed to help her out which is how my husband came to spend his summers there.
My husband and his older male first cousin laughed at how my husband loved Alley Oops and being held high by the cousin so my husband could dive off him into the lake. Good times! By the time my husband was 6 the cottage and store had been sold. So, how did these first cousins have property there now?
We were told that for 15 years after the sale the family frequently recalled the wonderful times they had there and wanted the same experience for their young children. It took them a year but finally, a cabin came up for sale. They’ve owned a place on the lake since 1976; as other lots/cabins became available they made additional purchases so now they and two of their children have a summer place. The daughter of the aunt who originally bought there also owns a place, along with one of her children. But there was more. . .
As we toured the lake I learned that they hadn’t been aware that there was even more distant kin that was neighbors. Right before the pandemic, a neighbor was having a garage sale. The female first cousin went to check it out and somehow, the conversation turned to funny family names. She remarked that she didn’t think they could top her husband’s cousins’ names – Milnut and Elzine. The garage sale folks were stunned and replied that they, too, had cousins with those names. They also had a number of other cousins who owned cabins around the lake. I’d say, a quarter of the lake cabins are owned by two lines who had become united through a marriage in 1941. And none of them knew they were related until one cousin met another at a garage sale. Weird!
When we returned home I immediately checked to make sure I had the garage sale man’s name in my tree and I did so I was able to let all of them know how they are related. I also was able to explain how Milnut (really Milnett Rosinda Emelia) and Elzine (really Edna Gladie Elzene) were related to all of them.
By reconnecting with a known line, we were able to connect with three other lines that had been disconnected probably prior to the 1960s. It is indeed a small world and finding all of this family in one location was a pleasant surprise.
Now comes the hard part, staying in touch! Make it a point to reconnect every so often. You’ll be glad you did.
Like me, you were probably interested in exploring the 1950 US Federal census that was unveiled by NARA on April Fools Day. Finding my maternal grandparents, the joke was on me!
Above you can see under Charles and Theresa Bauer, their next-door neighbors, that my family wasn’t found at home by the enumerator. No surprise there since I knew my relatives so well. My mother was still living in the home and she and my grandfather were likely at work.
My grandmother had a weekday routine that never varied. Monday she would rise early and wash clothes in an old wringer Maytag and then hang them outside to dry. By the next census, she had an electric washer and dryer but never used them, preferring the wringer washer until she moved from the home in 1973. Tuesday was baking day. Wednesday was mending day. Thursday was grocery day. Friday was cleaning day until I got older and the task was turned over to me to do on Saturday mornings.
After Non was done with her “job” for the day she would begin cooking dinner. She had a gas stove with a well so whatever she made stayed warm until supper.
As soon as the food was done the rest of the day was hers to enjoy. Unless there was a snowstorm you wouldn’t find her at home. She loved to visit her many friends and shop till she dropped. Occasionally, she would have the “ladies” come over to her home to visit; I know that didn’t happen on 25 April 1950.
My husband knew my grandmother well and when I said, “Guess where Non was on the day of the 1950 census.” he replied, “Not home.” Yep, pretty much.
By looking at the page number I can gauge that my grandparents’ house was not one of the first stops for the enumerator that day. He likely came by after 11:00 AM that Tuesday. If he had come back by 4:30 PM someone would have been home.
Not surprising, my paternal grandmother was home that day and provided the enumerator with the information; my dad and grandfather were at work. She was likely reading when the enumerator stopped by. I’ll never know that for certain but I did know here routines. My husband’s grandparents seem to have been missed. Sigh.
Looks like many people were out and about the day the census was taken. If you find yourself in that situation, don’t despair. Look at the notation after “No one at home.” It refers you to another page (sheet) in that document. All I had to do was go to page 74 to find the information. Remember, the sheet number is in the upper right-hand corner of each page; it is NOT the image number. My image number happens to be 29 of 31. Here’s what I find:
1950 US Federal census – We’re Home!
Surprise, surprise – there is one person I hadn’t expected to find living in the household! Frank Trputec was a boarder. During the Great Depression, my family turned their old farmhouse into a boarding house to make ends meet. I had thought all the boarders had left by 1950 but apparently not.
I vaguely remember Mr. Trputec. I was told he bought my favorite stuffed animal, a spotted dog that would squeak when you pinched his tail, for my first Christmas. It’s the only stuffed animal I ever kept. I remember him coming to parties at my grandparent’s home when I was young. I can still visualize him sitting at the kitchen table next to my grandfather. He was a quiet, gentle, and kind man.
Mr. Trputec, however, was not a “cousin” as listed on the census. Well, not in the genealogical sense. In my family, everyone was considered a cousin. Sure, we’re all related so close friends and neighbors of my family were given the endearing titles of cousins. My grandmother’s closest lady friends were often called, Kuma, Croatian for Godmother. Except they hadn’t been officially deemed as Godmother for my grandparent’s four children by the Roman Catholic Church on any documents I’ve ever found. Likely, they were just good role models for the children growing up. My family really believed in “It Takes A Village.”
Mr. Truputec never married or had children so as he got up there in years, I can understand why he remained in my grandparent’s household. They kind of sort of adopted him. He became pseudo-family.
My point here is that any document we find does not tell the whole story. In 50 years a descendant will look at the 1950 census with a different perspective than I do because they had no intimate background knowledge of the individuals listed. They may wonder why no one was home and how Frank Trputec was related. If they discover he wasn’t related they may think my family was trying to hide that they were renting out a room. His relationship can easily be identified as “lodger” in the 1940 US federal census. In the intervening 10 year time period, he became “family.”
Keep this in mind when you are analyzing documents for the family members you do not know well. Do your future family a favor and write down your interpretation of documents you find for people you know well. There’s often a back story that is just as important as the “factual” documents you discover. Happy Hunting!
I’m not talking about farmers who must mend their fences regularly to insure their livestock and produce remains safe; I’m referring to the idiom regarding improving or repairing a relationship that has been damaged.
This week, I’ve had several situations that could be termed coincidence, synchronicity, or just considered odd. You be the judge.
The first occurred on Sunday when I was researching a pioneer family in my city for possible inclusion on an upcoming cemetery tour that my local historical society will be hosting in the fall. One of my town’s best sources is a work by Gertrude Stoughton who retired here and established the historical society. Her work is thorough and my only recommendation would have been to include footnotes as I often have difficulty tracing her information.
Above you’ll see a clip from a Google search I did to find the McElroy family who established the second drug store in town; their unnamed daughter in Stoughton’s book was purportedly the first female pharmacist in our location and probably the state of Florida.
I had searched for nearly 2 hours and was finding NOTHING about the McElroys; I located a Black family in the southern part of our county who operated a lab but the dates were way later than I was researching. I found a family of that name who once owned a pharmacy in Orlando and thought they may be related but that investigation turned up nothing. In desperation, I decided to just Google “Tarpon Springs” and “drug store.” Lo and behold up pops the clip above. Notice how McElroy is spelled? MCAROY. Hmmm. Clicking the snippet view gave me a completely different excerpt. I have a hard copy so I turned to the glossary to find a McAroy. None listed. Only one page for the McElroy’s. Somewhere, buried in that book was another sentence about the family I was researching. Skimming page after page I discovered it on page 29:
Clearly, McElroy is written and not McAroy. I went back to the online snippet and checked the copyright date of Stoughton’s book. Same as mine. There have been NO updates or newer editions with revisions.
So, tell me, how did the internet show me the correct spelling of the family I was searching when the source it was citing did not have the correct spelling anywhere in the book? Beats me!
Also on Sunday, I sent an email to an acquaintance regarding a lineage society application I had submitted 3 years ago but still had not received a resolution about. The genealogist I had been working with stopped communicating with me in July 2020, I assumed because of the pandemic. I asked my colleague to forward my request for a resolution to whoever was currently involved with that organization. The following day I received an email from the current genealogist. We wrote several exchanges and Tuesday evening, I decided to call him to make sure I was clear on the direction we were going. When I told him who I was on the phone call he replied, “Hi, cousin.” I was stunned. Sure enough, I’ve done a surname study of several family names and he is my cousin from a line I’ve never met in person. Odder still, he lived not far from me for the last 50 years but recently moved out of state 3 months ago. He moved to an area close to where we also own property and planned to visit this summer. We’ll be getting together then.
We had a wonderful conversation on many genealogical topics and he let me know about two Sons of the American Revolution applications he had done for Florida families. Florida wasn’t a colony in Colonial America and I really never thought much about its involvement in our Revolutionary War.
The following day, I was getting my hair trimmed and shared the coincidences with my stylist who is interested in history. He had to step away from me to take a phone call for a reschedule and when he returned he informed me that somehow, my appointment wasn’t scheduled for today but someone named Renee was supposed to have been there instead. He didn’t know a Renee. I told him I only knew one. Seconds later that Renee’s mom happened to walk into the shop. We laughed about the coincidence.
I had planned after my haircut to visit a local funeral home (as a genealogist, this makes sense, right?!) as I got a tip that the owner was a descendant of a man who local stories claim lynched several men locally during the Civil War. The problem is I have found records showing the man wasn’t even in this area at the time the purported lynching occurred.
The descendant wasn’t available so I left my card with the couple who was in the office. I told them why I wanted to speak with the owner. The woman informed me she was from a pioneering family in the county north of mine and the story I was interested in didn’t occur during the Civil War but during the Revolutionary War. I thought about the story my newly met cousin had told me about the previous evening. Weird.
Since I’ve had such an odd week I decided to just spill the next part. . . A woman who I met who is involved in a lineage society informed me that dead Rebel soldiers speak to her and one named Parker told her that he had been killed on Deserter’s Hill and was buried under a museum.
I will investigate any tip I get so I asked her if the dead man had told her if Parker was his first or last name. She didn’t know. I asked where the museum was located as there wasn’t one on the site. She didn’t know. So much for that hint.
The woman at the funeral home looked at her spouse and they stared at each other for a bit. Were they thinking I was a kook? I just let the quiet hang. She then said there were Parkers in the area and they were involved in the Civil War and they were buried in Anclote Cemetery. Wow. But that’s not all – one was buried in an unmarked grave that they later discovered happened to be under a sign for an RV company. Very odd.
I plan to be checking out this Parker family. But here’s the clincher of the ending.
I asked for both of their names. You probably already figured this out. Her name was Renee. I laughed. Asked her if she had an appointment at my salon today. She didn’t.
So now I know 2 Renees. I’d love to meet the woman who was supposed to have been having her hair cut at the same time as me with the same stylist. Maybe she doesn’t exist and it was a message for me that I should have gone to the funeral home first as that Renee wasn’t planning on staying much longer. I’m glad we connected.
The connections we make as genealogists and the records we leave behind are important historical truths. An innocent man has been linked to crimes he never committed. A woman before her time was largely forgotten because of the misspelling of her name. My parent’s divorce has led me to not know my father’s family. In 48 hours this week, all of those fences were fixed because of a chain of weird occurrences.
Genealogists don’t think of themselves as fence menders but it is what we do, it’s who we are. And I sure appreciate a little help from the Universe to get over those fences!
Do you have Find-a-Grave memorials for close relatives? If so, you’d be wise to update your RELATIONSHIP. This is a new change to the site, now owned by Ancestry.com.
I’m not sure why this change was made but given how people have lost civility lately, I can only imagine what the folks at Find-A-Grave must be enduring by people who are demanding memorials be altered or reassigned. In grief, emotions are raw; I wouldn’t be surprised if the Find-A-Grave staff is besieged with requests for changes.
Whatever their reason for the change, I think it’s a good one. It doesn’t take much time to update your memorials and I’m going to give you two methods to update them.
Go to any known memorial you have and start there, clicking spouse and children to update OR
My preferred method so you don’t miss anyone: Hover over your name on the ribbon on the right side of the screen. Your choices are Profile – Account – My Memorials – Sign Out. Click “My Memorials” which will list all the memorials you will need to update with your relationship info.
Here’s how to update each memorial:
Look at the picture above – Clicking the down error next to EDIT displays options; click “Edit Memorial.”
If you DO NOT manage the Memorial it will not allow you to edit. Instead this is what you’ll see (SUGGEST EDITS)
By clicking “SUGGEST EDITS” you CANNOT update the bio but under “Other,” you can suggest corrections or addtions to be made. Make sure after clicking the “+ Suggest other corrections” and add your input, you click “Save Suggestions.”
If you created or had the memorial transferred to you, you will be able to make changes and add your relationship. After you have followed Step 2 above, scroll down to the bottom of the page. This is what you’ll see:
Simply click in two of the boxes to update; the first is a Yes or No to the question Are you a close relative? The second click will be for you to include the relationship by answering “I am their . . .”
When a selection is made, a check box is displayed that says “Show relationship in source information.” If you check it, it will show on the main page that the public sees what you have determined your relationship is to the memorial individual.
By leaving the box UNchecked, Find-A-Grave staff will be able to see the relationship but not the general public. I chose to uncheck but you do whatever you like. My memorials only show “Created by: Lori Samuelson.”
Make sure you click “Save Changes” or you haven’t updated the memorial!
If you make an error, no worries, just go back in and follow the steps again. I purposely entered myself as a cousin when a relationship should have been niece to see what would happen. I just had to go back in and re-edit. I was easily able to change my relationship.
Here are some caveats: I have my spouse and my memorial already listed because no one will be doing this for me after I’m deceased. There’s an option for me to select I’m my husband’s spouse/partner but none for me so I selected spouse/partner to myself. I can understand why Find-A-Grave didn’t include “self” as an option as they probably don’t have a lot of people who think ahead to do that.
Also, keep in mind that the relationships must be close – there is no option for a great grandparent, great uncle/aunt, or delineation between first, second, etc. cousins.
There is also no way for me to add that my relationship is through marriage. I suppose I could have my husband create an account and then I’d transfer management to him but we all know that’s not only a lot of extra work, I’d still be managing his sites so why bother with all that. Therefore, I made myself my in-laws child.
If you have many aunts and uncles, you will reach a limit on how many times you may select niece/nephew. Larger families I have no idea a solution you can use.
Nothing like joining an online group of people that share your passion for genealogy! With cold weather ahead, it’s a perfect time to put your head together virtually to help solve your brickwall.
Sure, it’s easy to do a Facebook search for genealogy groups but to save you time and find alternatives (because I know many of you are separating from Facebook), here’s a direct link to FamilySearch.org’s Wiki of all of FamilySearch’s groups – FamilySearch Genealogy Research Groups
To connect with a group on the FamilySearch.org website you must first log in. If you don’t have an account, click the “CREATE ACCOUNT” on the upper right corner of the screen.
A short intro video is supposed to be available but I couldn’t get it to come up. As an alternative, in the search box, type “FamilySearch community video” and a variety comes up to view.
Your options with FamilySearch are communities directly linked to FamilySearch, groups on Facebook and other groups that are independent.
I really wish I had known that when I was researching Barbados last summer – 5 different groups are mentioned and I would have loved to contact them with questions I had.
I had planned to not use Ancestry.com this week as I continue to update my RootsMagic synched tree but due to an unexpected family contact, that didn’t happen. I needed to go on to check a relationship and add information to an individual that I hadn’t researched before due to family silence.
If your family is like mine, you probably have encountered situations that lead to uncomfortable communication between relatives. You might have had DNA results come back that show that someone isn’t biologically related. There may have been a nasty divorce, hurt over a probate or a disagreement over opinions. The falling out may have even been as a result of criminal conduct. Regardless of the cause, going forward can be difficult, especially if it has been years since the initial disconnect.
I was faced with establishing a reconnection this week and I’d like to share how I handled it in case you find yourself in my position.
Here’s the background…back when I was in college I remember my future mother-in-law calling my now husband. She was clearly upset as she relayed to him how an individual who had married into the family had been charged with several murders. You read that right – more than 1 murder. The final charge would be for 4 murders but there was a list of many more that would have occurred had the arrest not been made.
Understandably, my husband’s mother was shocked, sad, confused and angry. This was done by someone she trusted, knew for years and there had been no indications that the individual was this dangerous. Since my husband and I were living far from the crime, we didn’t have access to news stories of the trial and subsequent conviction of two life sentences. We didn’t know that 20 years after the conviction, the perpetrator would request that state supreme court to grant a new trial, that the original lawyer would have written a semi-fictional book about the case because it was so bizarre and that the lawyer’s son would feature the case in a podcast. In other words, even though the crimes were committed nearly 50 years ago, it is still in the news in the area where they occurred. Since we don’t live in that area we had no knowledge of any of this until this week.
I don’t know if my mother-in-law reached out to her blood relative to offer support during that difficult time. It became a taboo subject on that side of the family so, when I began my online family tree in the 1990’s, I didn’t update that line. Imagine my surprise this week when I received a message from a descendant of the murderer who was asking what my relationship to the family was.
Since this was not my relation, except through marriage, I immediately asked my husband how he wanted me to handle this – should I respond or not? If it had been my family I would have messaged back as the writer was not responsible for a heinous crime and I would consider the person a victim, too. But this wasn’t my family so I felt that I needed to hear what my husband would want. His parents are long deceased but had they been alive, I would have checked with them also.
My husband had no preference and told me he respected however I wanted to handle it as he knows I would be professional. I chose to respond, clarify the relationship and offered to update my tree if I had wrong info or if there was additional information to add. I got a response a few hours later thanking me for the information and informing me of a family member who was now deceased. I responded with condolences.
Interestingly, that deceased family member had relocated from the area where the murders occurred and lived a little over an hour away from us for nearly 10 years but had not reached out to us. Perhaps they were embarrassed by what had happened or hurt that we had not reached out to them in their time of need. I will never know.
Although not in this case, what I do know is that it can be difficult to re-establish a connection and sometimes severance is the best (and safest) option. I suspect, with the difficulties of the past year, people are re-evaluating relationships and becoming more aware of their mortality. As the world slowly begins to reopen, I wouldn’t be surprised if more relatives reunite. This could be a wonderful time to move forward if that is in everyone’s best interest. Be forewarned – this could be happening to you soon.
